Two to tango

A relationship is like a dance, where both parties fulfill their important and unique roles. Both partners are equally important, yet performing quite different steps, that often mirror each other. A natural and classical way is for a man to lead, for a woman to follow, that applies in both dance and in life. As a dance professional and a Tantric teacher, Anton, said: "When leading, a man always thinks ahead, he is in the future all the time, thinking of his next step. Woman, who follows him, is in the present and just enjoys every step, every movement that he carefully leads her into." To me, this is very much a philosophy of a relationship. A man provides security, so that a woman don't have to worry about the future and thus, can stay relaxed and enjoys her every moment of the physical now, her beauty and playfulness. This, in turn, gives a pleasure and satisfaction to a man - according to survey, most of man truly enjoy their relationship if a woman is happy and relaxed. Men have to understand that it is their responsibility to make a woman relaxed by taking the load of worries off her shoulders. This is how two partners move together harmoniously.

Trust is an important issue here. Trust creates openness between partners and allows communication and deep connection on all levels. Only if a woman fully trusts her man doing a good and reliable lead, she will be able to relax and emerge in the pleasure of the moment and into manifesting her beauty and sensuality. If there is a lack of trust, she will be always uptight and nervous, have exiety and even health problems. If a woman feels that a man doesn't do a good job planning ahead, she is taking a leading role and eventually will burn out, because what she is doing is contrary to her nature. Eventually, when leading, a woman and will disconnect with her sensuality, becoming less attractive to a man. And a man, who tries to submit to the feminine role and follow, will eventually revolt, because deep in a core he is a man, a leader. This doesn't mean that a woman cannot have a carrier on her own or be successful, all said here applies to a relationship within a couple the most basic nature of both genders. In life, some crossdressing foreplay happens, especially for fun, but will never last forever. For a relationship that lasts, the basics have to be healthy. On top of this, like a cherry on a cake, you can play and tease each other all you want, knowing that you are only playing and enjoying each other even more.

It is amazing how much LOVE alters someone's vision: you just don't see anything bad in that person. Or if you see, you immediately forgive or even find it adorable. And you can love one person or the entire human race- and everyone is just such a nice person or you forgive them in the spot. What I have noticed, throughout my life, is that the effect of such vision is also magnificent: people get to like you, or at least, don't want to harm you. If you think someone is Bad, than they are bad- to you! If you think someone is good- they are, not with anyone, but definitely with you.We know you attract what you emit, but really, Love is the answer both in personal and Universal sense. I dont want to sound like Jesus, but he is right: love each other, if you can. Learn to love.

Perfect lovers.

A woman asked me if I can tell her about Tantric techniques for a better lovemaking. She has been to a numerous workshops and already knew a lot, but somehow, she told me, something was missing between her and her lover. I said that no, I cannot teach her anything. Workshops, I said, will teach you plenty of general ideas and may be even offer some practice. But every person is different and unique, and so is every couple; general terms will go only that far. Something might work and something might not. If you merely follow a technique, you might miss the very essence of what you are looking for. To find the place where flowers blossom, you have to find the place of the most intimate connection with your partner. And you can find this only by listening to your body. Find your center and stay there. From there, connect to your partner by being sensitive to him. Women usually do this well, because they are more attune to their bodies and to all other living beings- the Goddess helps. The challenge is for a man to do the same. To find the center, be sensitive to a woman and feel her every little motion, visible and invisible. In this connection, you will feel the most tender movements, the most subtle details, and this is where the beauty, and power, and an amazing grace lays. This is where all the stars and a moon come together in one explosion of unity. It's all about details, and no one will teach you this. It is a wonder land that lays between two lovers and it is only for them to explore. No one else can enter this sacred space, except, may be, God.

 

The Divinities characteristic approach.

For successful relationship it's important to understand where you and your partner coming from, to know yourself. When you become aware of who you are, or what are you manifesting, and the same relating your partner, that your relationship become like a dance, so you just waltz through your life beautifully without stepping on each other's feet. I usually explain the nature of man and a woman using the trinity of Hindu Gods: Brahma and Sarasota, he is creative, artistic, she is sophisticated, pure. Than Vishnu and Laxmi, the rich man, beautiful woman, and the Shiva and Kali, she is wild and sexy, he is strong, calm and stable. Every man has all tree aspects of the trinity, who are the tree faces of the one Supreme. On the same way, every woman contains these tree aspects in her personality.When I look at all the women around I see only different faces of the same Goddess, same feminine nature. All the men are different forms of the same God, the male of Universe. The taste of each slightly different, but essence is the same: a man or a woman.

Every person are given a character depending of whom she or she manifests the most. You can say: this one is smart, another is is wild, third is hot, but this is only a parts of them. It's who they play the most. The words of W. Shakespeare come to me : " All the world's a stage and all of men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts". We are actors without being aware who we play, or manifest, and this is the problem. So the number one step is to become aware what is your act, what are your main character, who you manifesting: Brahma, Vishnu or Shiva, speaking esoterically. It's easy to define. Second step is to define who is your partner, what quality is she manifesting from the trinity of Goddesses. Is she more like sophisticated Sarasvati, found of arts, beautiful Laxmi, found of fashion and money or a wild Kali, found of sex, drugs and rock-and-roll? Each woman, of course, has all three sides, but usually one predominates. And now see how you can relate to each other. If she acts like Kali, while you are manifesting Vishnu, try to help her cultivate the fashion and the beauty, but don't suppress her wildness and her being a natural woman, too. Instead, learn how to be more like a nature and wildness loving Shiva, Kali's perfect consort. Read about him, understand and awake this part in yourself instead of blaming your woman to be careless and untidy. If you'll force her to give up her wildness, you'll loose a great sex in your life. Become wild with her, than ask her to join you at the world of fashion and finance, giving her red lipstick and silk dress as a present. And so you will match each other, now in your world.

It's not so easy to become aware and develop your other sides. Usually, your personal type is created from early childhood, your parents and environment had influenced you and it's hard to break through those very strong ropes that attach you to your present face. You can succeed only if you help each other. If you blame the person for what he/she is missing in your opinion, you are not helping, but only creating resentment and hurt; this relationship will end in a painful way. Instead, guide your partner in a very gentle way and unfold the new worlds, the new self to that person you love. It will be much easier for you to introduce him/her to your world, since you are the pro in your world. All you need is patience and love, trust and oneness which are the basics of any normal relationship, anyway. The example can be the old story when the dance teacher was in love with a street girl who have never learned any manners, but he trained her and she became the most graceful and magic dancer in the ball. You know why she became the most magic? -because she had the power and the freshness of wilderness in her. In this way, partners who originally didn't match by their personal types, have a potential to grow and expand, becoming more wholesome. Relationship with your perfect partner, like Brahma-Sarasvati, who are both from the same world, are very stable, but on the other hand, don't give you the twist of challenge, the pull of conflict and the ability to grow. It's just a very stable, peaceful match, which is also good. Matching well your partner is like a dance , when you listen to each other, lead and follow, matching every movement, every step. And your relationship becomes smooth and beautiful, and you waltz through your life with only joy to share.

 

A word on passiveness

Another principle of a good relationship is non- attachment to each other. It might sound strange, who can you be non attached to someone you love, but if you think of it, you'll understand the point. Attachments create pain, jealousy, control, and other painful issues. When you love a person unconditionally, you do not involve dark sides of the ego into the play. It is the Ego that creates hurt feelings and such. As soon as you give up the ego you realize that this person is free and you too and your love is your free choice, and the other person's too. A true bliss will enter your relationship, and this will elevate your love to a point of spirit, the highest possible connection you can create. And this is what Tantra is about- connection in spirit, that feels divine on every level- from a smile to a sex.

This involves some self work. When we have issuers in the relationship, it is not because we can not deal with the other person, but when we can not deal with yourself. Let's say, jealousy: it is a hard thing to overcome your ego and let the other person be free and love him in the same time from all your soul. Of course, you might think- now your partner is going to flirt on right and left, without the fear of my control. But if you practice this selfless love, you will help your partner realize higher levels of your love, that's above any flirt, the true love. And trust me, he or she will not find this attitude you are adopting among many people. Love is about 2 people, sharing it, it flows between two, it is God between two of you. If you have it and another person does not, it will not flow and magic will not happen. As soon as you let your partner know wow the real thing feels, he /she will be dedicated to you, because there is nothing more beautiful and fulfilling than a true love. There is nothing above God, who is that king of selfless unconditional love we. In other was, he will never be able to experience the kind of devotion loving high you make yourself exceptionally special to your partner. If he will appreciate your ways, and if not, does it worth to be with this person in the long run? Score high, because you will get exactly what you were aiming for, so aim to your perfection.

Love and jealousy come together only when love is less than non conditional. Jealousy is a natural urge, an instinct, aimed to your family protection and instincts are strong, especially in women and especially when procreation concerns. It is mother nature talking, who can deny the mother? But, when your male is looking around and gorging his eyes on big tits and shapely asses of other females, realize, that he only is a man, who loves to bathe in the feminine, he receives energy from it, pleasure and stimulation. Any healthy, sexually active man will act like this no matter how hard he tries to suppress these urges. In fact, the harder he tries to suppress and be a "nice" the stronger the urges will be and he might really begin to fuck around and hide it from you, feeling guilty and getting all messed up in his head, that finally will affect his health and well being. So, let him look, talk, even touch other females: it is a healing for him. Control your jealousy, or better understand: it is healing for him, if you love him, and if you care, don't be jealous. This is the only way he will be able to be open to you, will be able to be his true self with you and love you like non of the women he ever met. Make yourself special with a higher understanding of his nature. Be a healer, a mother, a goddess.